In a move that has stirred a storm of controversy across UQ, the Academic Board has voted in favour of an on-campus presence for the Ramsay Center, and approved their degree, a ‘Bachelor Of Where’s The Fucking Lamb Sauce?’ ( the B. WtfL).
The Ramsay Center, the brainchild of chef Gordon Ramsay, has long been the subject of criticism, with many on the left claiming it is a poor excuse for a professional chef to come into Australian universities and criticise our students’ ability to cook a sous vide pork belly.
But prominent figures on the right, such as Tony Abbott, Alan Jones, and Matt Preston, have suggested the Ramsay Center’s new degrees will be essential in preparing Australian students for a new global climate.
‘In the digital age, your knowledge of whether any oil is needed in the pan when cooking foie gras will be absolutely essential,’ said the cravat-wearing Preston, before giving us a devastatingly harsh look and stating ‘...of course no oil is needed because foie gras is pure fat, you utter blithering idiots.’
The Ramsay Center promises to teach students the requisite skills, with each Bachelor degree overseen by Gordon Ramsay himself.
Particularly controversial has been the ‘Making Sure The Lamb Isn’t Fucking Raw’ degree, wherein each student will be subject to severe psychological torture at the hands of Ramsay himself.
Indeed, testimonials from schools that have already adopted the Ramsay Center and its associated curriculum have raised some eyebrows. One student describes lovingly making a wedding cake with fresh strawberries, caramelised pineapple, and a delicate grape jus, but upon serving the cake to Ramsay, being met with enormously harsh criticism.
‘Wedding cake? More like divorce,’ stated Ramsay, before hurling the plate onto the floor with such intensity it awoke Jeff from his comatose slumber (didn’t expect a Wiggles joke in a Ramsay article, did you?).
Regardless of how controversial the Ramsay Center For A Great Eye Fillet may be to those heavily involved in student politics, and those who earnestly care about whether or not they are publicly thought of as ‘Labor Right,’ it’s worth remembering that deep down, no-one actually fucking cares. After all, it’s oil, salt, pepper, in the pan, baste, off the pan, rest, carve.
It’s fucking simple.
No more to come.