A local Brisbanite, who has tragically not graced the shores of the UK this winter, has still decided to tell anyone and everyone who listens about her ‘friend in London,’ and her ‘amazing recommendations,’ despite the fact this friend has been revealed to be a tute acquaintance who, by all accounts, spent like one or two days in Notting Hill, and ate a sandwich at the Camden Markets.
Kathleen Clayton (22) isn’t joining the mass exodus of Australians abroad this winter, but she still wants to get in on the fun. So, for the last few weeks, everyone in Kathleen’s circle has been subject to constant London and Europe recommendations, all from this shadowy figure known only as her ‘friend from London.’
Kathleen’s best friend, Sarah (23), who is travelling the UK and Europe with her boyfriend Daveed (hectic name, right, and he’s white) as we speak, had to endure Kathleen’s very personal take on the ‘Best 9 Gin Bars In Chelsea’ that bore a striking resemblance to an article posted by TimeOut London earlier that day.
But when challenged, Kathleen simply returned to her default position of ‘nah, my friend from London gave me all these recommendations. You wouldn’t know her.’
In a move almost like a primary-schoolesque ‘Yeah, I have a girlfriend, but she goes to a different school,’ Kathleen’s incredible defensiveness about her mysterious fake friend is matched only be her relentless sense that her friends actually want to hear her shitty recommendations.
‘Last night she told us that for a great cup of coffee, we should try Starbucks. Starbucks! What the fuck, cunt?’ shared close friend Nat Harmon (22). Nat’s travel partner, her uni friend Melinda (who Kathleen has once called ‘that gossipy bitch’ to her face), has stayed relatively quiet on the issue, only chipping in when the idea of ‘Nutella crepes in Paris’ was floated as if it were remotely original.
The ‘friend from London’ almost certainly cannot be identified, but The Obiter’s best guess is a loose acquaintance of Kathleen’s who, judging by a careful and detailed search of Instagram, spent one or two days in Notting Hill, taking colourful photos outside of people’s actual homes.
A stream of Instagram stories aside, it’s becoming rapidly apparent to us here at HQ that Kathleen’s friends are being needlessly ungrateful, and should probably just grab a deck of cards and deal with it.
No more to come.