Business analysts who closely follow the New York Stock Exchange have flagged an astounding increase in the share price of tech giant, Snapchat.
While the big-dick, cocaine-addicted stockbrokers and the Warren Buffets of the world have expressed bewilderment at the phenomenon, The Obiter's research indicates the price surge directly correlates with the University of Queensland exam period.
It’s simple: it is absolutely crucial that UQ students let their friends know the hardship of still having exams in the last week.
The Obiter’s internal business and finance department discussed our hypothesis with a number of UQ undergrads and staff over the past few weeks and have found 100% of those surveyed agree with us.
“I would never be able to get 7s in my last few exams if I didn’t have a social media outlet to share pictures of my MacBook Air, my unopened textbook, a cup of green tea and a glass house candle carefully laid out on my desk” commented a third year business student.
Further, a UQ science professor admitted to us that “It’s almost depressing how obvious it is when a student sits to write an exam in the second half of exam block without having posted a snap story captioned ‘feels when you still have exams.’ It is really heartbreaking to have to fail the unlucky few who miss this crucial element of study.”
Earlier this year, a tweet by Kylie Jenner asking if anyone still used snapchat resulted in a loss of $1.5 billion in market value for the social media platform.
Whilst SWOTVAC brought a welcome reprieve in the app’s utilisation and corresponding market value, there is no doubt that Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel is relieved to take the benefit of students needing to complain about having their UQ finals in the later weeks. Although he legit married Miranda Kerr (yeah, the All Hallows’ girl!) so honestly this dude can cop a bit of hardship.
It remains to be seen whether this share value can be maintained once exams finish this weekend, although reports indicate photos of jugs at the Red Room captioned “post-exam feels” should maintain the trend in the short term. Boomerangs of drinking a shot through a straw, also at the Red Room, have strong scope to cause a similar share price increase for Instagram.
The Obiter business and finance team is awaiting further data from Instagram about a similar exam-time increase in “Exams though? Yes/No” polls on Instagram stories.
We suspect most will answer “Yes.” What is this, the same-sex marriage plebiscite?