Given the strength of the response to yesterday’s Kirby article, we’ve decided to press on with our incredible formula for comedy, which boils down to ‘[public figure] + [random law library cliche] = dazzling pieces of satire.’ In keeping with that tradition, we present today’s comic extravaganza, this unparalleled piece of online journalism, concerning the struggle of McDonald’s mascot Grimace to find a seat in the Law Library.
‘Get out, you Commerce/Economics wankers,’ thought Grimace as he wandered through the Law Library, battered Lenovo ThinkPlus in hand, completely unable to find a seat.
In town for a Burgerology seminar later this evening, Grimace thought it best to get a start on the seminar prep due tomorrow, and elected to find a seat in the Law Library to fulfil that animalistic desire.
However, much to Grimace’s horror, shock, and disgust, he found it completely impossible to secure a seat in the library. Sounds like that seminar preparation might be in doubt, Grimmy!
‘This is cooked,’ he informed The Obiter in a hushed interview near a crowd of giggling first-year Law students on their way to a Catterwell Contracts seminar, where a half-arsed joke about Kirby dissenting a fair bit will get laughs greater than this article deserves.
‘I find it completely abhorrent that I can’t even squeeze myself into a little corner somewhere to get some quality work done. It was easier to find a seat in Burger Court!’
The above joke is funny because Grimace, as a McDonald’s mascot, could’ve conceivably served as a judge in some sort of Burger Court, but the Burger Court also refers to the Supreme Court of the United States when Warren Burger served as Chief Justice, from 1969 to 1986. The above joke implies Grimace might’ve had a role in deciding Roe v Wade, a controversial decision that has remained precedent despite continued judicial attempts to whittle down its core holding: that the right to privacy under the Due Process clause of the 14th Amendment extends to a woman’s right to have a legal abortion.
After we pointed out to Grimace that he had a seat literally reserved for him at the Burger Court (again unclear as to whether this was at McDonaldland or under Chief Justice Warren Burger), he muttered ‘the interview is over,’ before walking up to The Void in an optimistic attempt to find a seat there.
You’re going to have to get up earlier than that to find a seat, Grimace! By which I mean literally 3am. It’s rough out there.
Broncos Burgers are weird but compelling. More to come.