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“Roadkill is a Fact of Country Life!” Garbles James McGrath Through Mouthful of Cockatoo

October 7, 2019 The Obiter
James McGrath cockatoo.png

Queensland Senator James McGrath has sunk himself deeper into controversy during a misguided attempt to justify his online boast of killing a flock of cockatoos.  

While the Facebook post at issue was condemned by many, McGrath’s unprecedented move of taking a big old bite out of a mangled Cockatoo corpse during the ensuing press conference has sparked genuine questions about his sanity.

Famed for his incredible ability to toe the party line and do literally nothing else of value in any other area of his life, the habitual bird murderer elicited audible gasps and one cheer as he tore the flesh from Polly’s hollow bones.

“Polly wanna *crunch* stop triggered lefties *crunch* ruining Australia” read a visibly confused McGrath in a prepared statement, occasionally taking a moment to spit out shards of beak.

While it may appear that Mr McGrath has quite simply lost his mind, theories have emerged that the former Boris Johnson staffer is simply playing the political game in the long leadup to the next election. Indeed, the family of cockatoos were tipped by pundits to be a major threat to Mr McGrath’s next bid for preselection, with their natural ability to memorise and repeat mindless phrases ad nauseum a perfect fit in the Liberal campaign strategy.

But ya can’t be in the upper house when you’re fuckin dead can ya, ya dumb birds.

More to come.

 

Tags Politics
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