Jim Saxon (22), a final-year Law student, is quietly confident that he will be offered a graduate job at prestigious Brisbane firm, Nicholson Hewitt & West, this Wednesday.
Despite his dreadful academic performance, and an unimpressive effort at his single clerkship, Mr Saxon’s bold assuredness stems from his belief that firms aren’t interested in the law, but rather, focus on ‘getting around the boys.’
‘To be honest, these big corporate joints just want quality blokes. And that’s me in a nutshell! I’ll be right, mate, the grad offer is on its way.’
Jim’s dazzling GPA of 4.5 was not enough to secure his clerkship without a strong word from his uncle - a move said uncle now bitterly regrets.
Jim’s colourful clerkship involved a few too many drinks at the Christmas party, and an unsuccessful pass at a senior associate.
‘Look we are used to overlooking light misogyny, but he couldn’t even work the fucking printer,’ explained Human & Culture Director, Bryan Martin.
Jim’s individual belief reflects a number of recent studies, which conclusively demonstrate that the more you excessively assure yourself that you’re a good bloke, the less likely that is the truth.
Jim’s aforementioned uncle, who is known as ‘Jimbo,’ has been overheard during a partner morning tea telling colleagues ‘I’ve taken my fair share of bad graduates but he is just a straight up fuckwit.
‘Lucky he’s not my kid so I don’t have to give him a job.’
At the time of publication Jim is blissfully unaware of the antipathy held by his former workplace, and is actually sort of keen to bump into some of them Jàde Buddha on Friday.
‘As long as I’m good around the group, I’m laughing. You know I didn’t even write an email the whole time I was there? Just was a good team man.’
More to come from this tragic man.