In news reminiscent of Kalyn Ponga’s selection for the QLD Maroons, Brisbane Grammar School students who graduated between 2010 and 2016 are currently frothing with excitement at the prospect of Matthew Renshaw returning to the Test team, providing them with cool anecdotes and great conversation for the coming year.
Ever since Renshaw debuted in the summer of 2016, Grammar boys all across Brisbane’s inner suburbs have been revealing such thrilling stories as ‘I sat behind him in assembly once,’ ‘I lent him my Lynx Africa when he got a bit sweaty,’ and ‘I saw him from 400m away once, but we were both wearing the same uniform, so we were practically blood brothers from that point.’
But Renshaw lost form, with a dismal average in Shield cricket ensuring his dumping from the national side. The collective sigh of the light dark blue was something to behold, as they were forced to find another interesting thing to say.
Yet all that might change. Australian cricket selectors have more power than they know. They have the power to enable thousands of young Australian men to spend January-March dominating any conversation with long-winded stories that effectively boil down to ‘I saw someone who is now famous do something when he wasn’t famous.’
Several Old Boys, such as 2012’s Samuel Irvine-Wilkinson, a left-handed batsman and slow-left-arm-orthodox bowler for the BGS 2nd XI, have been training for this moment for years.
‘Ever since ‘Renners’ got dumped from the Test side for that cat Cameron Bancroft, I’ve been preparing for his return.’
Unfortunately for Samuel, he is a profoundly boring man. Conversation has been difficult for the last two years.
But all that could change. Samuel can see the very situation where he will be able to unleash his ‘conversational weapon of mass destruction.’
‘I’ll be chatting with six, or seven people. Few beers deep. Everyone’s relaxing. They don’t have a fucking clue what I’m about to deploy. Some shitwit will be talking about how he played barefoot bowls with Bernard Fanning’s brother last weekend, and just when people seem interested, that’s when I’ll do it. That’s when I’ll mention I gave Renners a high-five when he scored a century against IGS.’
The enormous grin on Samuel’s face seemed to indicate the interview was over, as his eyes glazed over with a profound vision of the victory and triumph he will enjoy.
We suspect there will be more to come.