SILLY MAN: Jacob Harding (23), currently on a self-proclaimed ‘lads trip’ with ‘the boys’* around Europe is today wondering where it all went wrong after what he thought was an innocuous joke has triggered World War Three.
Mr. Harding’s morning started innocently enough with a full English breakfast watching the Rugby World Cup quarterfinals. However, unbeknownst to him, halfway around the world, his girlfriend Kaitlin Eriksson (21) was powering towards the bottom of her second bottle of Champagne at a charity Gala.
As is expected with one and a half litres of champagne swirling around her system, Kaitlin took this opportunity to express to Mr Harding how much she missed him while he was on his holiday. Despite spending the last six years of his life deciphering legal doctrines, Jacob read the room about as well as a dyslexic toddler and responded, ‘New phone who dis?’.
Ms Eriksson’s eye began twitching involuntarily as she took in his response.
‘Does he think that this…’ she muttered as her breathing became more and more laboured, ‘IS A FUCKING GAME’ she screamed, alerting everyone in the room.
‘hehehe, pretty good one. She’ll love this gear’, Jacob thought as he sighed and watched an English winger scoop up an intercept for the easiest try of his career.
‘Oh look she’s pretending to be mad’ he smiled as a tirade of messages flooded into his inbox.
Meanwhile, ten time zones away, Kaitlin was being physically restrained by six of her closest friends while she verbally threatened to ‘swim across the pacific to rip his dick off and choke him with it’.
Jacob’s friends even started to message him asking him what he’d done to which he thought, ‘God she’s better than I expected, even got our mates in on it’.
It wasn’t until he received a message from their mutual friend Anna describing Kaitlin as ‘maaaaad’ that the penny dropped.
‘Fuck that’s a lot of a’s. Maybe I’ve cooked this a bit’, he panicked and began working on damage control.
Obiter investigators believe Jacob has managed to subdue the situation and will be able to sleep safely at night without fearing for the safety of his genitals.
More to come.
*Don’t worry we hate this guy as much as you do.