Following a dominant GPS season, where the irrelevancy of issues like human rights went uncontested, the Churchie 10.7s have made a philosophical about-turn after being drawn against a girls’ school in round one of QDU.
“We did some exercises in basic human empathy,” explained their coach, “now I just have to hope they don’t absolutely cook this short prep with the most cursed takes imaginable.”
Sometimes, it turns out, not trying is better than getting it wrong.
“If I were a single mother, who was also queer and a person of colour and suffered from a disability and was a refugee; I would support the affirmative team” first speaker and future school captain Alex Alexson waxed lyrically, in a totally unbelievable attempt to gain the sympathy of the room.
“You’d have to be a bigot to disagree,” third affirmative speaker and local bigot Sam Sommerton alleged, turning round to look at the girls on the opposing bench.
In the post-debate press conference, the girls on the negative team were more than a little confused.
“The topic was about whether sports teams should be held responsible for the behaviour of their fans,” second negative speaker Holly Smith, “I truly have no clue what they was yapping about.”
“Their third speaker tried to say they understood the burden of sexism because they had mothers and sister,” added the third negative speaker Lucy Speakgood, “did they not realise that we are literally women ourselves?”
The boys now eagerly awaits the adjudication, which pundits expect will result in a loss by about 50 thousand points.
More to come.
