Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, or so goes the notorious saying by Nobel Prize winning physicist, Kate Moss. However, in a surprising turn of events, a team of UQ researchers with clearly nothing better to do have just released a study that has scientifically disproved this statement.
We don’t know how you can ‘scientifically’ disprove some bizarre motto which was meant to encourage people to feel guilty about every food choice they’ve made, but go off sis.
‘So yeah turns out vodka, especially of the lukewarm kind, tastes a lot better than a six pack. I once licked my mate’s stomach and honestly it was kind of fucking gross,’ a representative of the research team announced.
Thank god for that, because at 68 calories per shot, it fucking better. And we’ve got to ask, who at Smirnoff decided to make it 68 calories? Because 69 calories would have just been so objectively funny.
The researchers continued in their pretty hungover announcement. ‘And across the course of a 3-day bender, a long weekend of stone-cold murdering brain cells, there were moments when we all fell a hell of a lot better than skinny feels.’
However, the researchers conveniently ignored the results of their Tuesday morning commute to work after their bender, where they felt so depressed and so lacking in serotonin that they honestly began to consider listening to Joe Rogan through their AirPods.
Regardless of Moss’ bold attempts to convince people that skinny feels good, this brave pack of researchers have conclusively shown that brain-altering chemicals that make you feel better tend to, in a twist that’s surprised no-one, make you feel better.
So drink that next vodka cranberry, and follow it down with a side of another vodka soda. You’ve earned it, Australia. Particularly you, Mr Scott Morrison (we know you’re reading this).
No more to come.