Panic! On Corro Drive has begun as local motorists are coming to grips with human error. After one Kia Cerato driver failed to accelerate quickly after lights turned green, drivers behind them erupted into a fit of rage.

However, this distress is not unexpected. In an Obiter exclusive interview, we can reveal that this frustrating phenomenon is actually because the universe has a grotesque fucking sense of humour.

CSIRO papers have explained the inextricable link between those drivers that slow down, instead of speeding up when a yellow lights hit, and slow reaction times when the light goes green.

Local driver, Caitlin Zhang, is incredulous. “Fucking makes sense. I’ve seen glaciers move faster than drivers at the front.”

Obiter reveals that even if there was more to come, we won’t find out until those scientists get out of the Corro Drive traffic.