‘Nah, I definitely didn’t just forget to get you chocolates, babe. And flowers just die anyway!’

‘You hate that cringy, romantic bullshit, right?’ he asked his girlfriend of three years, Annabelle Young (22).

Ben, who has been “looking for a law job” for six months, swiftly began his annual rant about Valentine’s Day being a ‘stupid Hallmark holiday’.

‘We’re not Americans!’ he exclaimed, switching the TV to another Super Bowl rerun. ‘What a waste of money. Anyway, should we order Uber Eats for dinner?’

He went on to explain that it was a ‘bit ridiculous’ that Annabelle’s birthday, Christmas, his birthday, and Valentine’s Day were all within the same six months every year. ‘Couldn’t they have spread them out a little?’

Insider sources have informed us that Ben still relies on Facebook to remind him of his girlfriend’s birthday.

Annabelle has declined to comment.