The 2019 UQLS Executive, led by President Maggie Hawkins, have enjoyed a scandal-free tenure so far. However, good things must come to an end.
As of the time this expose is being written, President Hawkins and the UQLS have not yet invited Obiter Editor-in-Chief Joe Dwyer or contributor, Deputy President, and insatiable sex addict Henry ‘Boom Room’ Bretz to perform ‘Shallow’ at the UQ Law Ball.
The magnitude of this development cannot be overstated, but nor can it be misunderstood. Therefore, we will aim to outline the facts as objectively as possible.
At approximately 7pm on Sunday 31st March, the Facebook event for the UQ Law Ball went live. Tickets would not go on sale until Wednesday 3rd April. At this point, Joe and Henry were sure that the invitation to perform Shallow, the Oscar-winning song from ‘A Star Is Born,’ would be forthcoming.
Sunday night passed. No matter, the editors thought. Perhaps the hectic nature of the event launch had meant smaller, less important tasks had filled the time of President Hawkins and Vice-President (Socials) Joel Townsley. The announcement that the two boys would be covering Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga’s soaring ballad on the stage at Law Ball would be given its own media coverage once the initial event hype died down. Smart, thought the boys.
Monday came and went; no word from the UQLS. At this stage, The Obiter team met for an emergency meeting. It is important to understand that the entire Obiter enterprise had spent valuable time crafting this performance.
At this time, we can confirm a rumour first reported in Semper Floreat: Lachlan Glaves will be performing ‘the worm’ during the performance in what we envision will be the biggest dance circle the North has ever seen.
Drew Pavlou had already built a grassroots movement to raise small donations to fund the performance, with the average donation sitting at $16.50. Jack Hardy and Samantha Haran were planning a press tour to promote the performance on Sunrise, Today and The Project. Regular contributor Mike Fielding had been locked in to perform saxophone during the performance.
The team retained some hope in the meeting. It was only Monday. Perhaps the email invite had bounced back without any member of the UQLS Socials team noticing.
Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.
Over the weekend, the decision was made. The Obiter would not stand idly by and watch the UQLS promote a ball that did not feature an Obiter performance of Shallow. To do so would be a display of submission and cowardice. We will not allow the UQLS to prevent the people from getting what they want: a brave take on Shallow by Henry and Joe and Glavesy worms his heart out on that damn floor.
This resistance will create tension and potentially rifts within the UQLS; Henry is Maggie’s Deputy President and a good friend of both her and Vice-President Townsley. But there are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends on the Exec.
This whistle blow is just the beginning. There is much work to be done to secure a guarantee from President Hawkins that the Shallow performance will take place at Ball on the 27th during a break of the band, Who Is John (who are apparently bloody great but just aren’t at the level of carrying a cover of Shallow with Obiter assistance).
Public pressure. Canvassing at Ball. Resistance. With this plan, we can perform. Tickets are on sale until Friday – with enough action before that time we can make this happen. But we cannot do it alone.
Let them play.