Hot on the heels of the announcement of the cinematic re-release of The Hunger Games, a rumour spread like wildfire through the Lawbry. According to unverified sources, it appeared as if the projected 300-odd contenders for First Year Officer had volunteered as tribute. That’s right: instead of embracing the democratic spirit of the AGM (cough, relying on friend groups to vote them in, cough), these LS hopefuls had reportedly constructed an arena outside TC Beirne, and were ready to fight to the death.

“I mean, it checks out,” said first-year student Con Trax, who ditched her Public Law lecture to refresh her archery skills upon hearing the news. The targets, of course, were affixed with photos of her opposition. “Last one out of the arena is the new First Year Officer. Sounds perfectly good and normal to me!”

“Sick! I’m really glad that we’ve just collectively decided to throw out everything we learned in Principles of Public Law,” said Fred Eralism, another first-year. “Representative government is dead. There can only be one speaker in the Otto Hirschfeld lecture hall. There will only be one victor. It will be me. And I will bring boiler room sets to the First Year Retreat.”

AGM veterans, sick and tired of sitting through 300 speeches about how the first-year experience “will be enhanced” if this particular first-year is elected, had nothing but praise for this incentive.

“I mean, if the bloodbath leaves us with only one speech to listen to, then I’m all for it,” said a member of the Obiter’s commentary team, who wished to remain unidentified for fear of being dragged into the arena. “We can stand to lose a couple of first-years. And hey, there are always appointed positions if they don’t make it.”

However, as of the release of AGM nominations this afternoon, there are only four first-year officers in sight— not nearly enough to warrant a fight to the death. It looks like the odds were ever in their favour.

A metaphorical bloodbath to come.