Under the rousing tunes of Green Day’s ‘Jesus of Suburbia,’ Australian electoral expert and the human version of the Wood Frog (which freezes 65% of itself over winter), Antony Elizabeth Green, sprinted into the roaring crowd in the ABC studios to provide his ultimate service to the nation, a service he provides rarely, but incredibly efficiently and skilfully.
The service is simple, but dangerously effective in the right hands, and effectively dangerous in the wrong ones. It’s providing commentary next to cute data schematics.
Talk about democracy manifest, Mr Succulent Chinese Meal Guy! This is Antony manifest, and by God, does it look beautiful.
Ever since he was exposed to radiation in a freak cardboard polling booth accident in 1985, Mr Green has been the face of the election, more so than ScoMo or the other guy, or the other bigger guy with the yellow signs.
We know politics!
And tonight on the ABC, the guard of honour, formed by the corpses of cryogenically frozen former Prime Ministers and captains of the Australian cricket team (comfortably the two most important jobs in this nation), will form in resplendent fashion for Green, as he charges into the electoral playing field with two fresh tattoos on each fist.
One fist reads ‘Facts.’ The other reads ‘Matter.’ The third reads ‘why the fuck do I have a third fist?’ We wouldn’t bother to ask, because the King never gives a straight answer.
But what he does give is a relentless sense of brilliance in electoral analysis.
More to come.