The destruction of the Red Keep has devastated the residents of King’s Landing, and lovers of architecture and history the world over.
On Monday, a fire raged through the ceiling of the historic building, before destabilising the structure so irreparably that the famous spire collapsed while horrified citizens watched on.
The attic of the Red Keep has long been considered a fire hazard, as it stores many old manuscripts and artefacts.
‘We are absolutely distraught about the destruction of the Red Keep,’ said the Office Manager of the complex Tim Jones.
‘But we will rebuild.’
A GoFund me page for the building’s restoration raised $150 million within one hour of launching. Numerous aristocratic Westerosi families donated sums in excess of several million each.
Westeros’ often forgotten Prime Minister (it’s like in England with both) Greg Smith was quick to assure the public that the Red Keep would be fully rebuilt ‘in five years.’
The stunning speed of fundraising has enraged many activists. ‘You know what destruction you don’t hear about?’ asked Westerosi Greens Party leader Lisa Stark (no relation). ‘The destruction of the middle class. The destruction of the Great Pentosi Reef. The destruction of ecosystems where the Highgarden Coal Mine is proposed to be built. It’s a disgrace.’
At press time, Stevie, a one-legged gay monkey with dyslexia, was barely able to raise $15 on his GoFund Me. Yet, the Red Keep had already surpassed HBO’s revenue goals for the quarter.
Looks like once again, the empathy of the whites is far less deep than their pockets.